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• 07/09/2024

  Hello…I had a pretty good day! In the morning I went to a walk and it was so cold and nice, I would say iT was too cold for this time of the summer even …which reminded me of the cooler seasons...autumn and winter reminds me a lot of last year and how much it has changed for me, and so little at the same time. I remember being with my partner at that time and starting to feeling like I wasn’t being appreciated enough in that relationship, and how hurted I spent all of those months. Right now I am feeling the same way of loving and hoping for the future that I had when I first met her, even though we broke up a while ago…I don’t know, I guess I am still learning to stand up for myself and talk about my feelings, and that is something I learned from that relationship, and i hope i don´t make the same mistakes again
  Something that make me think of all of this was a friend I made a while ago, she and I connected very well and I thought we could be really good friends!! I got really excited cause it´s soooo hard for me to make friends specially on the internet! We starting planning movie nights and gaming nights and it was very nice…but after a while I started to notice a pattern of only watching or doing something related to her interests, and everytime I tried to propose something or talk about something that I cared about, it redirected towards something that she liked, which made kinda frustrated, cause is she was my ex used to do with me and most of my significant relationships!
  I spent my whole life thinking that I was maybe being to passive about my personality and the things that I liked, so it was natural that people around me redirected everything towards their interests, but I also noticed that even when I try to actively do it, I get dismissed. It’s something that don´t really know how to get manage yet, but I am triying to be honest about my feelings
  I am also afraid that, If I become the center of attention, I won’t have anything to say or show,that maybe i don´t have anything inside of me that is worth it after all
  Idk honestly, I am honestly very happy it’s just something that has been itching my brain I guess…

  24/06/2025

  it´s been a whole year! time flies I guess? reading about everything that i wrote last year makes me cringe a little for my own self, but I guess it´s part of growing up
  i finished my first year of college one week ago, which is something i didn´t even thought about doing, i took the decision last minute just because I was depressed and i was afraid to be alone with my mind when i finished my studies. It wasn´t something i really wanted to do and for two months i cried everyday on my way to classes, praying to god that my current life was a nightmare i could wake up too, but it wasn´t. it´s wasn´t a nightmare and i couldn´t get out it cause it was the life that i had chosen, and still is.
  i made some good friends, my first group of friends since i started high school, it wasn´t the best group of friends and i wasn´t the best addition to the group probably. but i was part of something and i was recognized, and a little bit loved, at least for a while, maybe, i may never see any of those people again, i might regret it a little
  I started dating my beautiful girlfriend, which is something i also didn´t expect or planned. i was in a very dark place when i met a really kind friend that soon became my girlfriend, and she changed my life and myself in so many ways. Maybe if it wasn´t of her i would be as cringe as i was when i made my last post, who knows, but i am very glad of knowing her and everything that she showed me in the last year.
  my life got worse and better, i can´t say that i am happier or sadder that i used to be, and i don´t know if i am better version of who i used to be, in some ways i am, in some others i am not.